Unf#ck Your Mindset

Yeah, you heard that right.

The good news is, it doesn’t have to stay that way. Let’s delve into how our minds can get messed up and what we can do about it. Think about the last time media influenced a decision you made—was it a positive or negative influence?

How Our Minds Get Messed Up

The Impact of Media on Mindset

By now, it should be no secret that the content we consume gradually shapes our beliefs, which subtly morph into habits, and then solidify into our reality. Here, I use the term “content” broadly to refer to any sensory input, including exercise, conversations with friends, news, music, movies, and more. How does this input shape your daily life and decisions?

It’s important to clarify that I’m not solely blaming popular media for its impact on us any more than I would blame a hammer for swollen thumbs. Media, like any tool, can be wielded to achieve various outcomes. It has the power to increase cultural awareness, nurture social conversations, and inspire creativity. Yet, simultaneously, it can perpetuate stereotypes, foster dependency, and trigger addiction.

A Personal Journey Through Media Influence

Let’s take a trip down memory lane to illustrate this point. The year is 2010, and Kanye West has just released “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy.” I distinctly remember the first time “So Appalled” played. I was instantly captivated by the rawness of its message, particularly when Pusha T raps, “CNN said I’d be dead by 21.” That single line resonated deeply, encapsulating a fear that had been lurking silently within me—a fear I hadn’t fully acknowledged until it was expressed through those lyrics.

For reasons I couldn’t explain, I was plagued by a crippling anxiety that something bad was inevitably going to happen to me. This seed of fear had been sown and nurtured by the very media I consumed daily—news that highlighted danger at every turn, music that echoed grim realities, and movies that portrayed dramatic fates.

It wasn’t until I reached 21, and then surpassed 25, that a realization struck me: I might be around for a lot longer than I had previously imagined. This epiphany was a turning point, leading me to reassess the influences shaping my perception and to actively seek changes in my mindset. Reflect on a moment when you realized the media’s deep impact on your life—how did it shape your fears or expectations?

Parenting and Cultural Influences in Immigrant Life

Growing up in a family of first-generation immigrants to Canada, my upbringing was shaped by the unique challenges and experiences of my caregivers. My aunt, uncle, and grandparents devoted themselves tirelessly to working long hours in a foreign country where they barely spoke the language. Their dedication was not only towards building a future for themselves but also in caring for my paraplegic uncle. Consequently, my childhood lacked significant parental oversight, which meant I didn’t have strong role models at home to guide my development of a solid sense of self.

Living in low-income housing, however, presented an unexpected advantage. Despite the hardships associated with economic strain, this environment offered me a rich tapestry of cultural interactions. I was surrounded by people from diverse backgrounds, exposing me to a variety of perspectives, ways of thinking, and lifestyles vastly different from my own. This exposure was crucial in broadening my understanding of the world and developing a more inclusive worldview.

It wasn’t until we moved to a cul-de-sac—when my grandmother purchased her first home during my high school years—that I realized just how different life could be, merely a ten-minute drive from my previous home. This transition marked a significant point in my life, making me aware of the stark contrasts and vast possibilities that existed so close to each other. It underscored how varied the experiences of life could be, shaped profoundly by socio-economic circumstances. Reflect on a moment of significant change in your living environment: how did this impact your perspective on your own life and opportunities?

Transforming My Mindset Through Literature

As I navigated the complexities of growing up in a culturally diverse environment with limited parental guidance, my journey towards personal growth and self-improvement gained momentum as I matured. The pivotal element in this transformation was my engagement with books. Reading became more than a pastime; it turned into a form of mentorship. The narratives, insights, and wisdom I encountered in literature helped me to build a resilient mindset, boost my confidence, and empower me to face the world’s challenges with a proactive stance.

I share my achievements not to boast, but to demonstrate the potential for transformation that lies within all of us. The changes I’ve made in my life are a testament to the power of self-education and personal development. If I could reshape my perspective and overcome the obstacles in my path, I believe others can too. Think about a book or piece of literature that profoundly impacted you: how did it help shape your current mindset or challenge your previous beliefs?

It’s common to harbor beliefs or feelings that seem to subtly control our lives without our clear understanding of their origins. Recognizing these underlying influences is the first step toward reclaiming control. This awareness is crucial because it highlights how much of our internal landscape is shaped by external factors, often without our conscious permission.

Today, I want to share three strategies that have significantly helped me to “unfuck” my mindset. These approaches are not just theoretical but are grounded in the real, transformative experiences that literature and self-reflection have afforded me. By adopting these methods, you too can begin the journey of freeing your mindset from the invisible shackles that may be holding you back.

What Can I Do About It?

Step 1: Acknowledge that You’re Challenged

Confronting any form of mental or emotional barrier—whether it’s trauma, grief, or a deep-seated negative mindset—begins with acknowledgment. It’s crucial to admit that your current mindset may not be conducive to your personal growth or well-being. This acknowledgment can be challenging as it demands sincere introspection and honesty. You need to critically reflect on your thoughts, attitudes, and reactions to determine whether they are congruent with the person you aspire to be. Recognizing that there is an issue is not just the first step; it’s a foundational move toward initiating positive change, setting the stage for a transformation in how you view and interact with the world around you.

Confronting Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs are often subconscious and can significantly hinder your ability to achieve your full potential. For instance, an acquaintance who doesn’t believe in the concept of limiting beliefs might unknowingly restrict their ability to grow. This mindset itself can be a barrier to personal development. In the broader context of societal changes, especially post-pandemic, there’s an increased awareness of issues like loneliness. Psychological experts like Guy Winch note that loneliness can lead to a distorted belief that others care much less than they actually do, which can exacerbate feelings of isolation and negativity. Recognizing and challenging these limiting beliefs are crucial steps in unfreezing your mindset and opening up to a more connected and proactive approach to personal relationships and community engagement.

Step 2: Challenge and Replace Negative Beliefs

Once you recognize the negative patterns in your thinking, it’s essential to actively challenge these harmful beliefs. This step involves critically assessing your thoughts to determine whether they are based on facts or merely assumptions. Often, these negative beliefs are influenced by biased content you’ve consumed or misconceptions you’ve developed over time. Begin to replace these destructive thoughts with positive, realistic ones. This transformation can involve using affirmations, re-framing negative thoughts into positive perspectives, or actively seeking evidence that contradicts your cognitive distortions. For example, if you believe “I can never be good at this,” look for instances when you have succeeded or improved in similar tasks. By doing so, you weaken the hold of negative beliefs and foster a more positive, realistic outlook.

Step 3: Cultivate a Growth Mindset

Transition from a fixed mindset, where you see your abilities and future as predetermined, to a growth mindset, where you perceive yourself as capable of continual growth and change. This shift requires embracing challenges as opportunities for learning rather than as threats to your self-esteem. Cultivate resilience by setting small, achievable goals and celebrating each step of progress. Engage in new learning experiences and remain open to feedback and constructive criticism, viewing them as valuable tools for improvement rather than judgments on your worth.

Understanding Fixed vs. Growth Mindset

Fixed Mindset

Individuals with a fixed mindset often believe that their current capabilities define their potential. Their brains become most active when receiving information about performance, such as grades or scores, reflecting a preoccupation with judgment and appearing competent. They tend to see effort as a negative, something only needed by those who are not naturally talented. When faced with setbacks, they protect their ego by losing interest or withdrawing to avoid the risk of further failure. They seek validation and feel threatened by difficulties, often resulting in a reluctance to pursue challenging opportunities.

Growth Mindset

Conversely, those with a growth mindset view skills and intelligence as qualities that can be developed over time. They thrive on challenges, seeing setbacks as essential learning opportunities. Their brains become most active when they receive feedback on how to improve, indicating a focus on personal development and learning. Effort is viewed as the pathway to mastery and intelligence, not as a sign of weakness. People with a growth mindset embrace challenges, are resilient in the face of difficulties, and believe that abilities can be honed through hard work and dedication.

Exercises for the Watcher

Here’s a simple exercise to illustrate a point about our limits and comfort zones:

Take your dominant hand, whether left or right, and raise it as high as you can.

Now take that same hand and raise it a little bit higher.

My question to you is; why didn’t you raise it that high the first time?

This exercise demonstrates how comfort zones can keep us from reaching our full potential. Often, we hold back due to unseen mental barriers, not physical ones. It’s a reminder that we might have more in us to give, more room to grow, and more potential than we initially think. This realization is crucial in breaking through the mental constraints that a fixed mindset might impose.

The Power of ‘Yet/Not Yet’ and the Tyranny of ‘Now’

The concept of “yet” or “not yet” introduces a powerful element of time and potential into the growth mindset. It suggests that while a goal has not been achieved “yet,” there is a clear implication that success is possible in the future. This perspective fosters patience, perseverance, and a long-term view of personal development.

Conversely, the tyranny of “now” can impose severe limitations by demanding immediate success and underscoring instant gratification, which can stunt growth and discourage effort when results are not instantaneous.

Praise Wisely

Finally, it’s important to praise wisely. Avoid applauding mere achievements; instead, focus on the process—effort, strategy, dedication, and improvement. This type of praise encourages a growth mindset by recognizing the value of hard work and strategy over the outcome, fostering an environment where learning and persistence are valued.

Mental Health as a Priority – In Conclusion

While physical health is often a visible priority demonstrated through activities such as gym workouts, yoga, or cycling, mental health sometimes remains overlooked. Yet, mental fitness is just as crucial as physical fitness. Mental exercises, such as practicing mindfulness, engaging in meditation, applying cognitive-behavioral techniques, or conducting regular psychological check-ins, can strengthen mental resilience and improve overall well-being. These practices help in building a stronger, more resilient mind, capable of handling stress, adapting to change, and overcoming challenges. They are the equivalents of physical exercises but for your mental health, helping you to maintain balance, focus, and emotional stability.

By deepening your understanding of these key areas—acknowledging your current mindset, learning about mindset types, confronting limiting beliefs, and prioritizing mental health—you lay a strong foundation for transforming your mindset. This transformation is not just about overcoming negative thoughts but about creating a sustainable, positive framework for thinking and living that enhances every aspect of your life.